if I died
I thought that if I died,
The pain would follow suit.
But it lingers on and on,
Never is it through.
Isn’t it enough,
That my heart is dead inside?
Why must I still hurt,
As though I am alive?
I am dead and buried,
I lie 6 feet in the ground.
So how can it be,
That this pain has me found?
I cannot escape it,
It is with me all the time.
What will it take now pain,
To leave you far behind?
You tell me it’s a lie,
That I really haven’t died.
For dead things cannot hurt,
And dead things do not cry.
You tell me you have purpose,
You are holding me so tight.
You are one with my body,
And you know I’m not alright.
You are only trying,
To be my loud informant.
I can tell by your sting,
That this wound is important.
Oh pain, how I feel you,
I know you’re here to say,
That my heart should have mattered,
That I cannot live this way.
You are stronger now than ever,
You are so relentless.
You refuse to let me die,
You want to see me mended.
I beg you let me go,
I fear all hope is lost,
But you refuse to leave me now,
You say life’s too high a cost.
But I cannot live with you,
Constantly inside me.
Please just lay me down,
The ground is so inviting.
Mending feels too late,
It’s impossible a task.
I cannot live and wait,
I’d rather die and then come back.
Thank you though for telling me,
My heart is worth much more.
My life should have mattered,
I know that’s what you’re for.
To show me how to live,
Like my life holds a value.
I will try again,
But I am afraid to tell you.
I haven’t got much left,
The wound is in my soul.
In agony I’ve bled,
And the bleeding took its toll.
I’m trying now to listen,
To the things you want to say.
You have my attention,
Go ahead and lead the way.
You show me all I’ve lost,
But I cannot bear the sight.
Too hard to see it go,
It’s why I would have rather died.
You say I must let go,
And grab instead to hope.
That in the end, all that was lost,
Will again be mine to hold.
But oh it hurts to do it,
To watch my losses die.
I’d rather it were me,
You are the reason why.
The only way to face it,
The only way to hold you, pain.
Is to know that while I do it,
He won’t let it be in vain.
